Ok, read the title of this newsletter again... You are NOT what you think.

• Does it sound like an incomplete sentence?

• Is your first reaction to be offended? (Who does she think she is telling me that!)

• Is your first thought to say "Thank goodness"! (I'd hate to be what I think.)

• Are you simply asking "Who cares?"

In last month's newsletter, we talked about consensus and said that studies show that 95% of our population cannot separate their ideas from their self worth. We said that many folks think that if you don't like their IDEA, you don't like them.

In this newsletter, we're going to explore that a little further by having you look at

1. what you think and
2. how you react when someone challenges what you think.

You Are Not Your Thoughts

What I'm trying to stress when I say, "You are not what you think" is that you are not your thoughts.

• When someone criticizes your thoughts, ideas, expectations or approach, do your thoughts tell you that they are devaluing YOU?
• Do you look at opposing ideas with an open mind or are you busy defending your own ideas?
• Do you listen to the ideas of others or is your mind busy planning what you're going to say next?

Your thoughts may drive your current feelings, emotions, choices, actions and ultimately the results you are creating in your life, but your thoughts are not YOU. Your thoughts may control your attitude, your personality, your behavior, but your thoughts, still, are not you.  YOU are the one who can control your thoughts! That person, the one in control, is the REAL YOU!

You Have a Choice

Are you conscious of your choice to act upon or believe your thoughts OR are you a victim of your thought habits and internal dialogue?

Many people go through life bound by choices that were made for them, that they simply accepted and turned into thought habits. Many are constrained by choices that were made without any conscious thought on their part.  "It's just the way it is."  "That's the way I've always been."

It doesn't HAVE TO be that way!

The Science

As we have discussed in the past, your brain likes to conserve energy. It does this by moving frequent thoughts into your habit center. Conscious thought uses far more energy than habitual thought. For instance, think about driving your car here in the US. If you live here, you probably know how to do that almost unconsciously.  Now, think about driving a car in Europe or Jamaica where they drive on the left (or as some would say, wrong) side of the road. Your brain will have to use a lot more energy to help your body steer the car and keep it going in the right direction.

The National Science Foundation says that the average person thinks between 12,000 and 50,000 thoughts per day. The NSF also suggests that 90% of these thoughts were the same thoughts you thought yesterday and are getting pushed deeper and deeper into your habit center.  Your thoughts will actually begin to make you think that you ARE a certain way and that there is NO other choice... unless YOU, the real YOU, take back the control.

The Solution

Step 1: Learn to recognize when you are attached and holding on tightly to your thoughts and ideas.
Become part of the 5% - the 5% of our population who are confident in who they are and who realize they are not their ideas!

Here are a few things you should consider:

1. When someone criticizes your idea, do you feel a physiological response?  Do you feel the need to prove that YOU are right?  Does the hair stand up on the back of your neck, do your palms perspire, does your heart race?
2. When something goes wrong in your life or not as you'd expected, do you catastrophize the criticism by mulling it over in your mind until it becomes larger than life? You will recognize this by the use words like "everything", "everyone", "no one", "never", "always".  Do you hear yourself saying things like "Everything is going wrong!" "No one ever supports my decisions." "This happens every time." ?
3. When someone expresses a new idea, do your thoughts immediately go to what's wrong with the idea? Are you looking for the faults and flaws in their plan or proposal? Are you always correcting other's documents or spreadsheets?
4. Do you personalize the opinions of others? When someone comments on your idea by saying, "That's a stupid idea", does your internal dialogue hear, "You are stupid"?
5. Do you get frustrated by the weather, the traffic, other people’s performance, your financial condition, relationships, your job when they don't meet your expectations?  What is your response when your ideas and thoughts about what  and how things should be are not met? What happens when your expectation does not match reality?

Think about these situations for a minute. Do you recognize these situations in your life?
They are all caused by YOUR thoughts.

If you sense a challenge in this area become aware of your thoughts at the moment you have these feelings and ideas. These are pivotal moments. Are you making a conscious choice at that moment? Or, are you allowing your thought habits to be in control of your response?

Step 2: Learn to detach yourself from your thoughts, ideas and expectations.
As you sense the physiological reaction (heart racing, muscles tensing, palms sweating, etc.), take a second to analyze your thoughts and go back into your mind to find a second thought.

Here's a tip for handling ideas presented by other people that may not match your idea.  Before you criticize or comment, say this to them...

"What I like best about your idea is ________________,
but have you considered ______________."

Work to find the good in their idea FIRST.  Be sure to acknowledge THEIR idea not just THAT idea. Then express your concerns or issues. You will soon find that you are better able to combine ideas and come up with the true, best idea.

Lastly, remember this:

You are NOT your thoughts! You are NOT your ideas!

You have a choice.

Success is consistently making CONSCIOUS choices
at the pivotal moments throughout your day.

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Want more information?

If you are having challenges in separating yourself from your ideas and expectations OR...

If you would like to identify which of your thought habits are supporting your success and which might be keeping you from your goals, I can help!

The first step is to try our complimentary assessment and then, look into what coaching can do for your peace of mind, your passion and your poise.

Our assessment does NOT measure your personality, behaviors, or attitudes.
It goes much deeper than that by measuring your thoughts processes - HOW you think.

Skeptical? Check out our Testimonials & Our Promise

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Speaking of thoughts and ideas...

"Self-discipline begins with the mastery of your thoughts. If you don't control what you think, you can't control what you do. Simply, self-discipline enables you to think first and act afterward."  - Napoleon Hill

"If at first, the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it."  - Albert Einstein

"If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas."  
- George Bernard Shaw

"Nothing is more dangerous than an idea when it is the only one you have." - Emile Chartier

"We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary.
Thoughts live; they travel far."  - Swami Vivekananda

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Upcoming Presentations

Would you like to hear more about our assessment, coaching, processes and benefits?  If you are in the Houston area, I will be speaking at area PMI (Project Management Institute) meetings in October and January 2008. Here's a synopsis of the 1 hour presentation:

As Project Managers, you understand a multitude of processes... Change Management processes, Risk Management processes, Portfolio Management processes, technical processes.  The list can go on and on. But how much do you know about thought processes? You and every member of your team process thoughts - somewhere between 12,000 and 50,000 thoughts per day. In our hour together, we're going to discuss how the science of human values (axiology) and the 3 levels of value relate to PMBOK 1.5.5, and how you can utilize this information to more effectively manage your project(s).

Below is the information on the dates, times and locations. Please feel free to stop by (even if you aren't a project manager).

PMI Houston Galleria Chapter Pre-Meeting: Understanding Thought Processing for Effective Project Management
Date:   10/10/2007 | 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM
Place:   HESS Club
            5430 Westheimer Road
            Houston, TX 77056
            1-877-661-4377 or (713) 627-2283
            http://www.hessclub.com/

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PMI Clear Lake Galveston Chapter Meeting: Understanding Thought Processing for Effective Project Management
Date:   01/24/2008 | 6:15 PM - 8:15 PM
Place:   Mario's Flying Pizza Restaurant
            618 W. NASA Road 1
            Webster, TX 77598

Please contact me if you're interested in a presentation for your organization!

Additional Resources