Choose Your Direction

For most of us, every New Year brings us to thoughts of New Goals.  This year, I'd like for you to try a New Approach.

"Experts" will tell you to set clear, defined, measurable goals... short-range, mid-range and long-range goals... and don't forget to put a date on them - a deadline. So you'll list out things like Lose 20 pounds by 3/30/08; Volunteer at Soup Kitchen by 2/29/08, Learn to Speak Spanish by 9/30/08, Take Technical Training Class by 7/31/08, Clean Garage by 4/30/08.  Then, as the year goes along, IF you remember, you'll look at these goals and "work on" them. Some you might even accomplish.

But, as I wrote about last time, my resolution for 2008 is to help you bring Intrinsic (infinite) value to who you are and what you do. So, I'm going to ask you to take a new approach this year...

DON'T WRITE DOWN YOUR GOALS!! (yet)

What? That may sound silly coming from someone who is a coach. I mean, shouldn't I be helping people to accomplish their goals?  Allow me to explain.

Yale Goals Study Never Happened

Have you heard this story told by motivational speakers, coaches and personal development gurus? In the annals of personal goal-setting, no story outranks the Yale University Class of 1953.

The story goes like this: In 1953, researchers surveyed Yale's graduating seniors to determine how many of them had specific, written goals for their future. The answer: 3%. Twenty years later, researchers polled the surviving members of the Class of 1953 -- and found that the 3% with written goals had accumulated more personal financial wealth than the other 97% of the class combined!

It's a coach's and motivational speaker's dream anecdote: a vivid Ivy League success story that documents the cause-and-effect relationship between goals and personal success.

It's convincing!       It's compelling!       It's also completely untrue!

After an exhaustive search of Yale alumni archives and in-depth investigations into the source of the study (as quoted by Zig Ziglar, Tony Robbins, and others), there is absolutely no evidence that this study EVER took place.

You can't always believe what the gurus say, even if they say it over and over and over again. That's why we depend on science.

Using Your Brain

Let's look at how your brain handles dreams and goals.  When we focus on our dreams, our brain focuses on and imagines our lives as if we have already accomplished them.  We focus on what it will be like when, what it will feel like when we are, for example, 20 pounds lighter. As we imagine and focus on this over and over again, our mind actually believes we are 20 pounds lighter (even before we've done anything like alter our diet or exercise). So, when we wake up next week and we aren't any lighter, our brain is confused.

We had clearly set and defined an expectation (a dream or goal) and really concentrated on it in our mind. Then, that expectation wasn't met causing our amygdala (the part of our brain that determines fight, flight or freeze) to become hijacked. When the amygdala is triggered, we have emotional and physiological responses. We get angry, frustrated, discouraged, disappointed, etc. It's part of the internal processes of our brain. We can do very little to control it once it is triggered. The key is not to trigger it.

Over-focusing on our dreams and goals without actually planning and doing anything can really be detrimental to the pursuit of our goals and dreams.

The Application

What New Approach should you try in 2008? Let's take a look at these 2 questions...

• Who are you trying to become?

• What are you trying to achieve?

These are questions about purpose and accomplishment. Through the years I’ve found that if you concentrate on purpose, your aim and direction in life, the details take care of themselves.

Most people concentrate on the details. They have endless "to do" lists. You probably have lists on your refrigerator, in your day-timer, in your PDA, on your desk, sticky notes here and there regarding everything you need to do every day of the week for the next year. Is that helping you on your quest of who you want to become? Or is it simply about meeting your deadlines, commitments and standards set by others about what you should be doing.

When we become too goal-oriented, we become almost mechanical in our approach. Our brain loves to conserve energy and form habits. As we keep focusing on solving our problem and reaching our goal, our brain methodically goes through the process and the details.  Sounds like that would be good, right? Well, that depends.

A Harvard study (that actually did occur) found that too much goal orientation taught students to solve problems rather than identify opportunities. The real progress in your life comes from identifying opportunities and choosing to go in the direction of opportunity. Problem-solving is important, but it is just a way to take advantage of opportunities.

Choosing a goal in life is not our most important task or decision. Choosing the direction is far more important than choosing the goal. Enticing short-range goals can take us in the wrong direction. True success and satisfaction is in the direction we move, not the goals we attain.

Using Goals

I want to encourage you NOT to set an ultimate goal for your life or even for this year (in the sense of a clear, defined measurable target that you hope to attain). That puts far too much importance on one decision. It can also create futility in those who reach what they initially deemed to be success only to find that it isn't all they dreamed it would be. Think of those who climb to the top of the ladder (success) only to find that it was leaning against the wrong building.

Goals are important to confirm that we are traveling in the direction we intend to go. As I've said in previous newsletters.  Choose your direction, set your sails, and then focus on the process of getting there. Your goals shouldn't be your destinations, but should instead be a compilation of the steps needed for you to continue in the right direction TODAY.

For example, you may say that your goal is to lose 20 pounds. Well, why do you want to lose 20 pounds? I'm pretty sure it isn't because changing your current habits is easy and you just now decided that you'd like to eat healthier and possibly exercise.

So, tell me, why do you want to do it? Is losing 20 pounds in line with who you want to become or what you are trying to achieve in this life? If you are doing it to "feel better" or "get healthier" - these are systemic in nature (mental constructs that we create in our minds) - you probably won't succeed. If this goal is NOT in line with the intrinsic values that you hold, the infinite value that you see in your life, you probably won't do it.

If, however, you want to lose 20 pounds so that you'll see your children get married, or enjoy your retirement with your partner and friends, or some other reason that is far greater than a number on the scale (extrinsic) or idea of how you'll feel (systemic)... well then, you have a chance. Increase your chances of achieving your goal by making sure it is in the direction that you are traveling and a part of the path to becoming who you were intrinsically created to become.

New Year  +  New Approach  =  New You

Choosing the direction is far more important than choosing the goal. Here are a few tips to help you on your journey...

• Choose your DIRECTION. You don't have to be perfect. The direction just has to be inspiring (focus on the intrinsic nature of your direction). Remember, satisfaction and success come in the direction we move, not in the goals that we attain. Find joy in your journey!

• Seek Wisdom & Principles. Identify the principles that you need to continue your journey in your direction of choice. Don't simply follow the tips and techniques of those who've gone before you. Techniques are comparable to fashion - a technique that proved workable yesterday will be unworkable and impractical today. Seek to acquire timeless wisdom!

• Focus on Improving YOUR SELF. You are the only you... unique, irreplaceable & invaluable. No one else can ever be you. No one can be you for you. You have to be you yourself. Don't focus on your circumstances. Focus on becoming the best YOU that you can possibly become and enjoy your journey of becoming.

• ACT, MOVE, GET GOING! You can't steer a parked car. Don't be paralyzed by fear. You won't fail as long as you keep moving and assessing your direction. Even if you get a little off track, you can correct it as long as you don't stop there. Take a few steps forward, look around and make sure you're headed in the right direction. If not, turn and go forward again. Rinse (act) and repeat.

Once you know WHO you want to become and WHAT you are trying to achieve, your goals will form the path in your life's direction. Your goals should be the little things that you have to do today - that you have total control over - that keep you pointed in the direction you'd like to go. If a goal isn't along your path, then throw it out. With every goal you set in 2008, ask yourself one intrinsically valuable question... Will this goal keep me headed in the direction of my success?  If the answer is yes, then go for it! (And, ok, now you can write it down.)

Here's to a terrific and joy-filled 2008!!

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January 16, 2008
PMI New Orleans
5:30 - 8:00 p.m.
Zea's Rotisserie Restaurant
1525 St. Charles Ave.
New Orleans, LA 70130
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January 24, 2008
PMI Clear Lake/Galveston
5:00 - 6:00 p.m.
Mario's Flying Pizza Restaurant
618 W. NASA Road 1 Webster, TX 77598
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January 30, 2008
PMI Alamo Chapter /
San Antonio
6:00 - 8:00 p.m.
Bright Shawl
819 Augusta St
San Antonio, TX 78215
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