Intrinsically Valuing YOU

Do you ever think about your intrinsic, infinite value? In today's world, you are taught from a very young age that your value isn't in WHO you are but it is in WHAT you do and HOW you behave.

In elementary school you are first taught all the rules... don't cut in line, don't write on the walls, don't put gum in Suzie's hair.  Then, you are taught reading, writing and arithmetic and graded on how well you learned it. You are measured almost every day in school with tests, quizzes and homework. Are you ever taught about the value of people? Is it any wonder that you only see your systemic and extrinsic value?

Come to think of it, how do you even know that you are intrinsically valuable? Are you priceless and irreplaceable?

I tell a story at some of my speaking engagements...  Those of you who are over 25 y.o. may remember the story of Baby Jessica. Baby Jessica was 18 months old when she was playing in the backyard of her aunt's house in Midland, Texas. Her aunt went into the house to answer the phone. When she came back moments later, the other children she was babysitting were looking down the casing of an abandoned well.  As we later found out, Jessica was wedged in the 8-inch wide pipe 22 feet down.  For 58 hours, the world watched as an estimated 450 volunteers tried to rescue 'Baby Jessica'.  Drillers, miners and volunteers from as far away as Albuquerque, N.M. selflessly dropped everything and rushed to where their skills were needed.

Why? Why were so many people involved in the rescue of one little baby girl? Can you imagine how much money was spent drilling that parallel shaft and then trying to find a away to dig over to where the little girl was stuck? I mean, we didn't even know if Jessica was going to amount to anything. Was she going to do well in school, complete her homework and get stars on the top of her quizzes and tests? Was she going to behave and obey the rules? Really! Was she going to be worth all of this effort when we didn't even know what she was going to DO when she grew up? Besides, couldn't her parents just get together and make a new one?

v Distorting Reality

Over the years, through your experiences, your mind has picked up thought habits that do not accurately reflect reality. These thinking patterns were developed over time and now your mind 'sees' the world through these distorted glasses. In some areas of your life the distortion isn't great at all. In others, the misperception  and myths are truly detrimental.

MYTH #1: You ARE your ideas.

At school and at work, you are judged on the value of your thoughts and ideas. As this continues to happen over and over and over again throughout each of your days, your brain may start to believe the YOU ARE YOUR IDEAS. Your mind may develop this habit and attach your self-worth (yes, your uniqueness, your pricelessness) to your ideas. When this distortion of reality happens, you may react in a number of ways. Let's see if you recognize any of these in your life...

• You may emphasize your dedication and commitment to what you believe is right or wrong. You validate your self worth by making sure others know what you think. You may say things like "If I were in charge, I would ______." You may weave your beliefs and ideas into conversations to influence other people's opinions about YOU (as opposed to their view of situation that is being discussed.)

• You may let other people's expectations, opinions and ideas influence or even dictate your actions and decisions. In this case, you devalue your ideas and are more focused on pleasing others and gaining approval by pretending to agree with them.

• When others disagree with your ideas, you may become defensive or resentful, maybe even angry because their disagreement challenges or threatens you. When people say to you, "That is a stupid idea."  Your mind just heard them call YOU stupid. (Which, by the way, they did NOT do. They simply told you that they didn't like your idea, albeit in a tactless way.

• Or, when others disagree with you, you may not stand up for your ideas giving others the impression that you are open, tolerant, or even agree with their ideas. Your mind will tell you that it is safer to agree than risk confrontation or rejection.

In each of these instances, if you believe that you are your thoughts, you may react to these thoughts and sabotage your success. You may sacrifice your integrity (being true to you) because your mind is distorting your reality.

FACT #1: You are NOT your ideas or expectations!

Your ideas can be worthless and ridiculous, but that doesn't mean that you are worthless. On the other hand, your ideas can be genius and pure brilliance, but your true value is still enormously more than that of your ideas. You can fail to live up to your expectations and the expectations of others, but that doesn't mean you are a failure. Your value is SOOOO much more than that of your ideas... axiologically speaking, YOU are infinitely, infinitely more valuable (∞^∞).

MYTH #2: You are what you DO

Everything we do these days seems to be measured or recorded or documented in some way. Then, it is compared to other measures. Your mind may develop the thought pattern that you are what you do and that your self-worth is based on how well you perform. When your brain creates thought habits that align your self-worth and self-esteem with what you DO, you will notice some of these things...

• You have to stay focused on your agenda. You must only do what you like to do. You may resent, resist or even refuse to do things that aren't personally fulfilling.

• You are pre-occupied with making a good impression. In this case, you are validating your self worth through how you appear on the outside and the things that you accomplish. It really matters to you that people notice the way you look, your positional title, your possessions, your accomplishments, and even your talents and contributions.

• Your plate is always overflowing with tasks to perform. You feel the need to prove your worth by volunteering for tasks even though your schedule is already full. You are always meeting the needs of others, you can't say "No", and you don't make time for yourself.

• You compare your worst performance, talent, skill, accomplishment, etc. to someone else's very best. You have unrealistic expectations about what you need to DO for your own self-acceptance. You feel that your self-worth must be earned.

In each of these cases, your mind sees you and values you for what you DO (or don't do). This thought habit starts out when you're very young and the adults around you ask, "WHAT are you going to BE when you grow up?"  Do you find that to be an odd question? I do. "What" and "Be" are on two very different levels of your life. The question should either be "What are you going to DO when you grow up?"  OR "Who are you going to be?"

FACT #2: You are NOT what you DO!

Look back at the Baby Jessica story. If she were valued for what she did, we'd have left her in the well. I mean, if she wasn't bright enough to stay out of there in the first place, how valuable is she?

Often, when you make a mistake, do you beat yourself up about it? When someone doesn't like your idea do you feel devalued? Let's now look at the truth.

v Real Reality

You ARE YOU!

You are a human being... a human "becoming".  (Did your teachers ever emphasize that in school?) There is nothing more important or more unique in this world than your BEING.

You are UNIQUE, PRICELESS and IRREPLACEABLE!!

Do you ever intrinsically value you? Do you know what that would look like?

Here are a few questions to help you out:

• Do you appreciate and honor how your ideas and opinions characterize you as a person?

• Are you comfortable with your ideas and expectations?

• Do you keep your actions consistent with your beliefs?

• Do you set appropriate boundaries? Are you able to say the word "No"?

• Are you able to see how your actions, talents, appearance, contributions and possessions characterize (but do not define) you as a person?

• Are you able to separate the real YOU from the ideas and tangible, measurable things above?

Here are some thoughts to ponder about your true reality and becoming the person you were created to become:

1. You are UNIQUE

There is value in all that is unique and one-of-a kind. As Og Mandino says in his book, "Since the beginning of time never has there been another with my mind my heart my eyes, my ears, my hands, my hair, my mouth. None that came before, none that live today, and none that come tomorrow can walk and talk and move and think exactly like me. All men are my brothers yet I am different from each. I am a unique creature."

No one can duplicate your creations, no one can write your story. In truth, no one else has all of your abilities and talents.

2. You are DIFFERENT.

You are a unique creature of nature.  Og says that you are nature's greatest miracle! "Henceforth, I will capitalize on this difference for it is an asset to be promoted to the fullest. I am nature's greatest miracle. Vain attempts to imitate others no longer will I make. Instead will I place my uniqueness on display in the market place. I will proclaim it, yea, I will sell it. I will begin now to accent my differences; hide my similarities... different from all others, and proud of the difference."

3. Do YOUR Best.

Many times you may compare yourself to others. How can you compare one unique, irreplaceable thing against another? Are not both infinitely valuable? Other's deeds, actions, appearances, accomplishments have no bearing on YOUR value. Place this quote from The Greatest Salesman in the World in your memory bank: "To surpass the deeds of others is unimportant; to surpass my own deeds is all."

4. Invest in Your Self

You may spend lots of time and money learning the latest tips and techniques of your trade. Many are designed to help you manipulate your circumstances. Still others worked terrific for the person teaching you the material, but they are not YOU. These techniques may be antiquated or may only work for those who think like the creator of the technique. Invest your time and energy NOT in improving your circumstances and your external surroundings... Invest in YOU. Invest in becoming real, genuine and authentic. Invest in learning to live in integrity... being true to YOU.

5. BE Yourself.

No one else can be you for you. Be real, genuine and authentic. Don't shield your self from this world. WE NEED YOU! There is nothing to fear. Once you see yourself as INFINITELY VALUABLE, priceless, irreplaceable, you will strive for all of the goals and dreams that were placed within you. Sure you are going to stumble along the way, but don't concern yourself with a fall. Everyone must stumble on the way to their goals.

v My Holiday Wish

As the holiday season approaches, it is my sincere holiday wish...

• that you know, understand and love being YOU...

• that you focus on "becoming" the best YOU you can become by doing the things necessary to acquire the traits and distinctiveness of the person you are growing to be...

• that you adore your self and see your self as a precious human being...

• and that you learn to knock down your old walls of resistance and learn to freely give AND receive all the world has to offer.

You are unique. You are priceless. You are irreplaceable. You are LOVED.

You are the greatest miracle! You see, YOU are the reason for the season.

Until next year, my friend, have a joyous Christmas and let's make 2009 a fantastic NEW YEAR!

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As a Man Thinketh

This is a classic and always an inspirational read.  Take a few minutes this holiday season to read this short but powerful book.

Give yourself a real treat this holiday season.

Make the time to take your assessment (15-20 minutes) and schedule your consultation.

I promise it will be well worth your time.