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In life, change is either
created by you or happens to you. Yet, your response to
change is ALWAYS your choice. So the majority of the time,
do you affect change or does change affect you?
Are you
typically a thermostat or a thermometer?
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What's the Difference?
Thermostats set the temperature
of the environment while thermometers react to the
environment.
As a leader, which best
describes you most of the time? Are you mostly in control
and being the thermostat? Are you allowing your boss, your
circumstances or even your followers to set the temperature
on your thermometer?
There are some leaders who don't
want to 'rock the boat'. They spend most of their time
polling their team members and their management. They are
interested in pleasing others. If you were sitting next to
them in church, you might over hear them talk to the person
on their left who say, "Boy, it's cold in here today,"
"It sure is", would be their response. The person on
their right might then turn and whisper to them, "My, my,
it's warm in here today." They would respond by saying, "It
sure is."
These leaders respond as
thermometers. Someone, something, or some expectation is setting the
temperature for them.
Some are cold and distant because of circumstances and they
choose to be closed and fearful. Others are hot and
blistering because they believe that their
circumstances warrant their anger and ire.
Living as a thermometer can
leave you feeling frustrated, distant, or overwhelmed
because your mind tells you that you "must", you "have to",
you "need to" respond to the changing temperature in your life.
What are the things that you believe that you "have to" do?
(Go to work? Pick up the kids? Go to church? Do the
laundry?) If your habit is to feel obligated and your mind
gives you thoughts that you "have to", "should", or "must",
you are a thermometer to your own thinking habits. These are just
thought habits, however, that have been created in your mind
which you are choosing to respond to and believe.
Newsflash: Thoughts can LIE! When you are a
thermometer, your mind tells you that there is some
uncontrollable external
event or some unchangeable internal trait that determines your
fate. And you are simply stuck forever under the rock of
these circumstances. (Choose to get out from under the
rock!)
The Thermometer
So, should you try not to be a
thermometer? Absolutely not!! As a matter of
fact, your brain is hard-wired to be a
thermometer.
In your brain are mirror
neurons. A mirror neuron is a neuron which fires both when
you act and when you observe the same action performed by
another person. Thus, the neuron "mirrors" the behavior of
another person as though you were yourself acting. These
mirror neurons may be important for understanding the
actions of other people, and for learning new skills by
imitation. Scientists have independently argued that the
mirror neuron system is involved in empathy. A large number
of experiments have shown that certain brain regions are
active when a person experiences an emotion (disgust,
happiness, pain, etc.) and when he or she sees another
person experiencing an emotion.
These mirror neurons are built
in thermometers! They are your tools. They help you understand
how another person is feeling by mentally rehearsing in a
fraction of a second their
facial expressions or body language. (These neurons fire
much faster than cognitive or thinking neurons.) They help you to
produce your "gut feelings." When you overvalue the
thoughts and feelings produced by these mirror neurons, you
allow your internal thermometer to be your thermostat. You
give up your conscious control unconsciously.
The Thermostat
I meet many people through
coaching that believe or pretend that they are
thermostats. They believe as a leader that they are
responsible for constantly setting the temperature for their
work environment. They believe that they must proclaim and
sell the path forward to their team. As the leader, the best
temperature for the team is, of course, the one that they
are setting. (It doesn't matter if the rest of the team
agrees or not.) These leaders are ignoring their built
in thermometers. Their leadership will be ineffective in the
long run because they are ignoring thoughts that would
support their success and listening to thoughts that are at
times, sabotaging or delaying their success.
Newsflash: Thoughts can LIE! When you are a
thermostat, your mind tells you that you and only you
control your fate... that you are right... that your ideas
are the best ideas and everyone should follow your lead.
Your mind is telling you that you can't trust others. Do you
ever feel this way?
Being the Leader
Whether it is your mirror
neurons or your need to be right, you are still at choice
when it comes to responding to your thoughts.
As a thermometer, you can react according
to the measured temperature. If it's hot, you are
immediately frustrated, overwhelmed, or angered. If it's cold, you immediately
divert or withdraw. OR, you can choose to read the temperature on
your
thermometer and BE the thermostat.
As a leader, you should choose
to understand the current temperature, assess the optimal
temperature, and set the course. However, you must first accurately measure the temperature in your current
climate. Then, you must choose to respond by cooling,
heating or keeping the temperature the same. Regardless of
the correction, as a leader, you must be BOTH the thermometer and the
thermostat. You must not assume or believe that you ARE the
environment. You have to be separate from it in order to
affect a change.
The order of using your
thermometer and thermostat is very
important... if you rush in and start adjusting the
temperature without assessing the
situation, you may find that your adjustment took you in the
wrong direction. So, before you act like a
thermostat be sure that you have an accurate reading on your
thermometer.
As a thermometer, you must be
able to see the world through other people's eyes. You must
be able to put yourself in their shoes and figure out if
they are too hot or too cold to perform or progress
optimally. Henry Ford once said, "If there is one secret
of success it lies in the ability to get to the other
person's point of view and see things from the other
person's angle as well as from your own."
As a thermostat, you must be
sure to set the temperature to "comfortably warm." That
means not too hot where others will be wanting to disrobe to be comfortable...
where thoughts and ideas
are flying around with reckless abandon. But it also means
not too cold where people are bundled up in parkas afraid to
come out because of fear of being frostbitten.
The "Right" Temperature
So what is the right
temperature?
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I'm going to have to
defer to a man who have achieved far more than I.
Charles M. Schwab who in 1921 at the age of 39 was
the first man to ever be paid an annual salary of
one million dollars ($1,000,000). Andrew Carnegie
paid him that amount for being the first president
of the newly formed US Steel Company, the largest
company in the world at the time. What did Mr.
Schwab say was the reason he was paid $3,000 per
day? |
Charles M. Schwab |
"I
consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among people the
greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best
that is in a person is appreciation and encouragement. There
is nothing else that so kills the ambition of a person as
criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I
believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am
anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like
anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my
praise."
Wow! And to think he was paid a
million dollars a year for THAT! Do you think he set
the right temperature for the people that he was leading?
Charles Schwab went on to say, "I
have yet to find the person, however great or exalted his
station, who did not do better work and put forth greater
effort under a spirit of approval than he would ever do
under a spirit of criticism."
Just like the porridge of the
three bears, Goldilocks was drawn not to the one that was
too hot or the one that was too cold, but to the one that
was just right!
When you lead, at what
temperature do you set your thermostat? Think about it for a
moment. When you are leading, is it uncomfortably hot where
everyone is avoiding you out of fear of getting burned? Is
it freezing cold or maybe just chilly where no one really
cares about anyone or anything?
Your thermostat must be set at a
comfortable temperature where your team members are free to
perform knowing that win or lose, success or failure, they
will find the temperature to be comfortable and always be
treated with respect and appreciation for their efforts.
Sound Pollyanna? You might want to read Charles Schwab's
quotes again.
"There is
nothing else that so kills the ambition of a person as
criticisms from superiors."
"I
have yet to find the person... who did not do better work
and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than
he would ever do under a spirit of criticism."
Your Next Steps
It's all about balance. How can you keep your thermostat
and thermometer in balance?
Here are 4 steps that will keep
you cool under the heat of stress yet warm towards the
people you lead.
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Self-Awareness -
Become aware of your mirror neurons. Understand that
they HELP you measure the temperature. They do
not set the temperature, just as thermometers do not. You can not control
the temperature with your thermometer.
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Self-Acceptance
- Understand that you cannot control circumstances and
that you are NOT what you do. Understand that you are
not your sales numbers, you are not your project's
success or failure, you
are not your children's successes or shortcomings, you
are not the satisfaction level of your clients. You may,
however, use your thermometer to measure these things
but you are not your environment. Accept that.
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Self-Control -
Learn to control your own reactions and responses to your
thoughts and your circumstances. Learn to be a
thermostat that sets the correct temperature for the
situation. Know that you are constantly at
choice (even if your mind tells you that you "have to",
"should" or "must" do things.) As a matter of fact, the
only thing is this whole world that you can truly control is
your response to your own perceptions and thoughts
(including your response to your internal thermometer.)
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Self-Confidence
- This comes from practicing the 3 steps above and
getting better at them every day. Measure the
temperature, assess what is best and when possible, set
the temperature making sure that it is comfortably warm.
Remember...
"There is
nothing else that so kills the ambition of a person as
criticisms from superiors."
- Charles Schwab
"If
I have no other qualities I can succeed with love alone.
Without it I will fail though I possess all the
knowledge and skills of the world." - Og
Mandino
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strengths? Are you a better thermometer or thermostat?
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