Overcoming Indecision
I was trying to decide what to write about this month. At first nothing exciting came to mind. Then lots of ideas came to my head but after re-evaluating, those ideas might not have been too exciting either.
Then, it happened. I thought that writing about decision making and overcoming indecisiveness would be valuable and maybe even exciting.
The Choices You Make
Let's look at how long it takes you to make a decision.
 How much mental energy do you put into deciding:
- where to eat dinner?
- what clothes to wear?
- where to go on vacation?
- what product to buy?
How long does it take you to make decisions at work?
- which resources to use?
- what path to take?
- how much time to invest?
Every choice you make means that you lose out on all of the other options. Choice = loss. Doesn't that seem very final?
Good Decisions
We all want to make good decisions and choices. A choice is a value judgment plain and simple. Choice is about selecting the option that your mind believes is the best decision. It's about what adds the greatest value.
At times you may question your ability to make good decisions. Why is that? Is it because you weren't taught how to do so? Do you not know what a good decision-making process looks like? Do you overvalue the impact of the decision and not see it (or the options) in proper perspective?
The conclusions you make about the 'right' thing to do are not always accurate. Sometimes your perception or perspective is 'off' or out of focus. This may cause you to be wary of making a decision because past choices may have not met your expectations. Good choices are value-centered!
So how do you make good, value-centered choices?
The Natural Laws of Value
What most people don't realize is that value follows natural laws. Natural laws can be broken like man-made laws with one exception: You can't get away with breaking a natural law.
The science of axiology describes the natural laws and principles of value. When you understand these principles of value, you allow yourself to be surer of your decisions.
Axiology and Your Brain
Sometimes when it comes to making decisions, your mind, actually your valuing habits, battle one another and cause you to be indecisive.
Here's what happens in your mind...
As you think, your brain filters and compares. It values some information more than other information. In some cases, your mind can't make up its mind.
I often use axiology (the study of values, valuing and valuations) to explain your thinking. This is no exception. Axiology tells us that there are three classes of value:
- Intrinsic: infinitely valuable, immeasurable 'things'; people.
- Extrinsic: finitely valuable, measurable things; tangible objects
- Systemic: conceptual things; the lowest value
Each class has an objective value relative to one another.
Intrinsic > Extrinsic > Systemic
Intrinsically valuable things are always more valuable than Extrinsically valuable things. Extrinsic is always more valuable than Systemic.
Each of these classes of value is processed in a different area of your brain. Your brain likes to conserve energy so as you make a specific value judgment (accurate or not) over and over and over again, your brain creates habits. When this happens, these habits are now in control and influence your choices.
So what happens if your valuing habits (many that you did not create consciously), aren't congruent with the natural laws of value? What if your valuing habits haven't consistently produced the results that you'd like?
 Watch Out For Traps
Depending upon the valuing habits that your mind created, you may fall into certain decision-making traps. Do you recognize any of these?
- Over Analysis: Your mind will require an almost unending stream of data in order to analyze it and make a decision. In most cases, your mind paralyzes itself because the more facts it accumulates, the more facts it still wants in order to get ready to decide.
- Over Anxious: Your mind requires very little information to make a decision. It chooses the information that is directly in front of it... until something else is presented. Then, of course, your mind will choose that one.
- People-Pleasing: Your mind doesn't really focus on the actual decision, it focuses on what other people will think about the decision. So, your mind isn't really doing its own thinking about the choice, but thinking about what other people might be thinking about the choice
- Procrastinating: Your mind dreads making a final decision so it puts it off as long as possible. It resists taking a stand.
You may also think of other traps but in almost every instance the foundation of the trap is FEAR. Fear of failure; Fear of missing out; Fear of being laughed at, etc.
Many of you may have heard that fear is an acronym for "False Evidence Appearing Real". I'm not fond of that acronym because it makes me out to be a victim. Instead, I've created my own acronym which better epitomizes my beliefs:
"Fully Engaged in Avoiding Reality".
(Now, with this definition, I'm better in charge of the "fear" and not the victim of some false evidence.)
Overcoming Indecision
In order to overcome your indecision, you must overcome your fears. I'm passionate about neuro-axiology because I have used this science / methodology to overcome my fears. (Yes, I was terrified of public speaking and overcame that in under a year.)
When you understand axiology you are better prepared to know the 'right' or 'best' decision. For instance, if you know that the law of value teaches that people are more important than things, you are able to pick "caring for a friend" (intrinsic) over "donating to a charity" (extrinsic). You are able to choose "living with integrity" (intrinsic) over "being loyal" (systemic). And, when you make these decisions, you can be sure that they will be "good" decisions.
So, what can you do today to make conscious, deliberate, good choices and overcome indecision?
- Stay in the "Now". Learn to use your natural thinking and valuing strengths. (You can do this easily by trying a free assessment and scheduling a free consultation to talk about your results.)
- Practice on the little things. When someone asks you where you want to go for lunch, don't say "I don't care. Where do you want to go?" Check in with your strong valuing habits and decide on a place. Don't worry about the other person's response (that's in the future) or what they'll think or if they like that type of food. That isn't what they asked you. Answer the question! Look at it as practicing for the BIG decisions. :)
- Act! Remember decisions without action are fruitless. Some folks spend so much time making the decision that when it comes time to act, it's too late or they have no energy to move forward.
- Manage your decisions. More important than making the decision is managing it! Our brain isn't a computer that has to follow the initial program that was written on its hard drive. Our brains are recreating our hard drives and writing new programs all the time. Even if we make a wrong turn, our brain has the power to direct us and correct us. (Neuro-axiology also teaches us about how to do this as well.)
- Learn more about neuro-axiology (the science of value). The the principles and natural laws associated with making good choices are immutable. When you learn to become more valuecentric, you will see that the quality of your choices will increase and so will your confidence in making them.
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